Anxiety is a common disorder. Some have social anxiety, panic disorder, a specific phobia, and others, myself included, have generalized anxiety. I also have another type of anxiety that won’t be found in any medical book or website. It’s what I refer to as “pain anxiety”. I am currently anxious about how much pain and fatigue I will likely experience due to the busy and stressful couple of weeks I have ahead of me. Part of what I’m referring to is of course Christmas. The holidays are a stressful time for most people. However, managing Fibromyalgia is a full-time job in of itself and throwing Christmas into the mix of the regular daily struggles is just “ugh”. I bought all my gifts online to take away the physical aspect of shopping so I was proud of myself for that. I am not hosting any gatherings so that’s yet another thing I don’t have to worry about. The negative part is my husband and I are going to three places on Christmas Eve and two places on Christmas Day. We have to see both sides of the family which is why there are so many stops. I’ve been trying to make Christmas Eve at least two stops but I haven’t come up with a solution yet. It’s way too much for me.
The other part of my pain anxiety is about work. I just realized that starting tomorrow, I’m working nine days straight. Yes, I said nine. That’s a lot for anyone, but for me, I feel like I’m literally going to drop dead. I’m in pain just thinking about it. The first day I’ll have off is on Christmas Eve, which of course as I just explained is far from a day off. So my 2 weeks go: work nine days straight (on my feet, mind you), wake up Christmas Eve to get ready and visit three places, then Christmas Day is split between two places, then the day after Christmas I start a new work week. I’m sure the scheduling was an oversight, as I know we were trying to cover vacation days for a couple of my coworkers. But because we had enough trouble covering the shifts, I’m not sure if I can fix this and get a day off sometime in between. A regular work week is incredibly painful for me so I don’t know what this is going to feel like. Christmas is about spending time with my family, who I hardly get to see anymore, and now I likely won’t be able to enjoy myself.
Each problem by itself is tough, but put them all together and it’s a disaster. I don’t know what to do. Pain anxiety, my friends.