Music is my therapy

This isn’t the first time I’ve said “today wasn’t a good day”. Not a horrible pain day (*gasp* I know right?) but a horrible day for my self-esteem. I’m not where I want to be in life, despite my loving, supportive husband, my adorable cat, and our beautiful new condo. I hate that I don’t have a career. All those years of school… the time, effort, and money put into degrees that I won’t use. I never really found my niche. I want to have a job I like, not hate. I hate my job. I can’t stand being in customer service making nearly the same hourly wage as a 16-year-old working their first job. I’d love to go back to school but I can’t afford it. Yes, I can possibly take out another loan, but then I wouldn’t be able to work as much, and in turn wouldn’t be able to pay the bills. So that won’t work. I’m stuck and it depresses me. I feel like even if I could afford to go back to school, I don’t know what I’d do, nor do I think I’d be able to handle that and work with that little nagging thing called fibromyalgia. I’d probably end up wasting my time again anyway. What’s worse is that my husband is in a similar situation. He’s worked for the same company since he was 16 and he hates it too, but he doesn’t know what else to do. If he went elsewhere he’d more than likely take a pay cut. We want to be more than we are. We’re smart, driven people and we put up with a lot of BS. We have complete opposite work schedules too, and that makes everything so much harder. We don’t have days off together nor do we eat our meals at the same time. When we do see each other we’re too damn tired to do anything. I’m usually in too much pain to function and my husband is exhausted from working 12+ hours. I should start playing the Lotto… Yeah…

Anyway, I got to my breaking point tonight where I was cursing at every little thing, so I turned on my music. Music is a passion of mine, always has been. It made me feel better almost immediately. It really is my therapy. It doesn’t solve my problems, but it calms me down and helps me accept life as it is. At least for a little while…

I should get to bed soon. It’s going to be a rough week at work. Can’t wait until Thursday at 6 pm and then I have a long weekend! I’ll need it after only having 1 day off in between my work weeks. Can we say painful? Ugh…

Thanks for reading.

Song of the Day: “Strong Enough to Break” by Hanson – “I don’t feel myself today. Just a figure in a big monopoly game. Struggle is the price you pay, you get just enough just to give it away. I’m sinking but I’m floating away, throw me a line so I can anchor my pain. The fabric is about to fray, the fabric is about to fray…”

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