Hope for the Hopeless

Overall, today was not a good day. Work was awful, both physically and mentally. My boss is on vacation and when he’s not there the whole place falls apart. To make matters worse, I was in SO much pain. I’m on my feet all day so I’m aware I won’t be pain-free, but usually I start really feeling it halfway through my shift. Not today. 2 hours in and I wanted to cry. My back felt like it was on fire. I had 2 days off, but one of the days was Easter, so I don’t count that. It was not a day of rest. I have 32 more hours to go this week, including a 9 hour shift tomorrow. I honestly have no idea how I’m going to do it. Some may say, “well just get a different job”. Seriously? Do you know how long it took me to get this job? Over a year. I don’t have many things I’m experienced in. Just pharmacy and teaching. Can’t get a teaching job and I don’t even want to be in that field anymore anyway. Yes, I’d like to have a 9-5 office job, and trust me, I applied for those when I was unemployed. Came close to one, but didn’t get it. I can’t afford to work part-time, otherwise I certainly would. It just sucks because my co-workers know about my condition, but they never make it easier on me. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me or baby me in any way, but a little help once in a while would be nice. For instance, we have a drive-thru window where customers can pick up or drop off prescriptions. The window isn’t an automatic thing like you see at fast food places. It’s a very heavy window to push open. I need to use all my weight to open it, and it freakin’ hurts! It’d be nice if once in a while someone would say, “I’ll grab drive-thru for you”. I’m always the one to stop filling and go and help customers. I need the break from constantly walking around, bending down, opening that god forsaken window, etc. I’m a team player, but once in a while it’d be nice for someone else to step up, not only for fairness, but to give my body a break. If I knew one of my co-workers was sick or in pain, I’d certainly help them out. It’s just that frustrating feeling all us chronic pain fighters get every day: “They don’t understand.”

In good news, baseball season began today and my Red Sox won 8-0! I only caught it from the 7th inning on because of work but it made me happy. It’s something I’m very passionate about and it’s also my escape from reality. Watching the Red Sox helps me zone in and focus on something other than my pain or anxiety. All of us need that.

I should go to bed. It’s already past 11 and I have a long day tomorrow. I got out of work at 5 and I’m still throbbing all over. Ugh. Maybe someone will have compassion tomorrow? Ha, yeah.

Song of the day: “All Kinds of Kinds” by Miranda Lambert – “Now some point a finger and let ignorance linger. If they looked in the mirror they’d find… that ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning it takes all kinds of kinds”


One thought on “Hope for the Hopeless

  1. And my Phillies lost 0-8. Wonder what this year will bring for the Phillies. Lost my faith in them. I am sorry your job is so hard on you. I had to leave mine for physical and then mental added its ugly head so now I am on SSDI. And you don’t make much, but I can’t work.


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